Thief Balls and Cat Factories
by Michael Williamson
Summary: Plot? What's that, mommy? I talk to characters from Angel Sanctuary. ~~WARNING~~Some of the jokes made in this fanfic might offend people. Please READ THE AUTHOR'S NOTES.~~


Thief Balls and Cat Factories  
BY  
Michael P. Williamson  
  
Author's Notes: For those of you who didn't read the summary, this   
story has no plot. I go around talking to characters from Angel   
Santuary... That's about it. If you don't like comedic Angel Santuary  
fics wit no plot, and/or are offended by homosexual jokes, then get the  
fuck out, you cum encrusted toilet-paper wad! This takes place   
before the first episode. Also, I know that I will get my facts   
fucked up, like I might say that Roseiel lives right across the street   
from Kira, but that's for comedy's sake, so get over yourself, fanboy.   
One footnote: I have never read a page of the Angel Sanctuary   
manga. I have only seen the spectacular anime. So, if I get   
something wrong, like if I put a character in here that dies in the   
manga, but not in the anime, please don't inform me. Thanks. ^_^   
(I would also like to add that I know very little about other   
characters in the manga, but not enough to put them in here.)  
  
One day a young, sexy, manly, ladies man named Michael P. Williamson  
was walking down the street. (If you had ever seen me, you would know  
that that shit was damn funny.) Well, he fell. Yes, we all have our  
faults, and Michael's was his clumsiness. But, other than that,   
Michael was the perfect man. He had an enormous cock, a muscular   
body, and best set of pecs in town. But, ANYWAYS, Michael fell into   
a hole. But the hole, lead Michael to a weird, cartoon-like world.   
Michael looked at his hands, feet, and clothes and realized...  
  
"I'M IN AN ANIME!" He started jumping up and down insanely, for he   
was quite insane. "But I wonder which one it could be..." Michael  
looked around at recognized the setting. He realized that he was   
in his favorite anime of all time, "Angel Sanctuary. He muttered.  
"But where could everyone be?" He began to look around for  
his favorite Angel Sanctuary character, Kira. He was going to give  
him an interview. He looked around and finally saw him at some market,  
buying shit.  
  
"Hey, Kira." Michael said, starting to walk beside Kira like all the  
ladies did to Michael, because Michael's just so damn sexy.  
  
"Who are you?" Kira asked  
  
"I'm Michael."  
  
"Well, get lost." Kira said, very rudely.  
  
"I'm already lost... Well, I'm an enormous fan of yours, and I wanted   
an interview." Michael asked  
  
"Okay, come by my house at 5:00 P.M.." Kira gave up. That was   
really fucking easy. I was thinking he might knee me in my fucking   
nuts before he gave up.  
  
Well, Michael went to his house at around 4:59.   
  
"You're early." he said as he opened the door and let me in.  
  
"Only by a minute." Michael said as Kira closed the door.  
  
"Now, interview me. I have to bang a chick tonight." Kira said   
and sat down in a chair. "Wait... Before, you ask anything, are you   
gay, or in love with one of your relatives, or something?"  
  
Michael sat down in a chair. "No," Michael said. "I'm straight."  
  
"Good." Kira said. "Do you know that I am one of the very, very few   
people in this town that has nothing wrong with their sexual life?"  
  
"Yeah, well now there's one more." Michael said with a smile.  
  
"Just interview me, you little cockwhore!" Kira said.  
  
"Actually... Can we skip the interview and just talk?" Michael   
suggested.  
  
"Get the fuck out of my house! No interview, none of my time!" Kira   
said, and grabbed Michael by the shirt, and THREW him out of the door.  
  
"WAIT! Do you know where Rosiel lives?" Michael asked just before   
Kira could close the door.  
  
"Rosiel lives right across the street from here! Now, get lost!"   
Kira slammed the door.  
  
"Damn, he's cool!" Michael said as began to walk across the street.  
  
He knocked on Rosiel's door, and Rosiel opened the door, and let him  
in gladly.  
  
"Now, I know why you're here, ya' know." Rosiel said crossing his   
legs, and resting his face in his hands, with his elbows on his left   
knee.  
  
"Oh, did Kira tell you? Wait... Kira hates you... How do you know?"  
Michael asked, raising an eyebrow.  
  
"Well, you're here for butt-sex, right?" Rosiel asked with a smile.  
  
"No..." Michael said with a small chuckle. "I'm just here to talk to  
you."  
  
"But, after we talk, you want the butt sex.... right?" Rosiel asked  
beggingly. (Is that a word? That's a cool word if it is. Hell yeah,  
bitch!)  
  
"Ummm... No... I'm straight." Michael said.  
  
"Well, do you at least think I'm beautiful?" Rosiel asked  
  
"Umm.... Well, you DO look like a girl..." Michael said,  
skeptically.  
  
"Well, then you'll butt-fuck me, right?" Rosiel asked, with an odd  
look on his face.  
  
"No, you fucking faggot! I wanna fucking ask you goddamn questions,   
I DON'T want your jiz in my asshole, okay, you fucking queer!?"   
Michael yelled, jumping out of his seat.  
  
"Well, can your jiz be in my ass...?" Rosiel asked, sort of scared.   
He had good reason to be scared too. Michael was a badass, yo!  
  
Michael walked out of Rosiel's house. He began to look for Setsuna's   
apartment/hotel lookin' thing. He still wasn't sure what it was.   
Finally, he found it, and he banged on the door.  
  
"Please go the fuck away!" Setsuna yelled almost as soon as Michael  
banged on the door.  
  
Michael was pissed off at Setsuna. "What the fuck!? How rude do you   
have to be? He's probably in there jerkin' off thinking about his   
sister, the fucking weirdo!" He began to walk down the stairs.  
  
He began to look for Kurai, but then he remembered that he was in the  
anime before the first episode, so Kurai COULDN'T be there yet.  
  
He then saw Setsuna walk out of his house. Michael guessed that  
he had to go to school. He didn't realize that he had taken so much time  
with Kira and Rosiel! It was already the next day!   
  
He followed Setsuna to school, but not right beside him. He sort of lurked  
behind, in the shadows in shit. Secret Agent 00Mike, yo! Hell yeah!  
  
Setsuna finally got his slow ass to school. Michael attempted to tap  
him on the shoulder, seeing as how school didn't start for a few more  
minutes.  
  
"What the hell do you want, punk?" He asked. Michael knew how scary  
Setsuna was when Sara was so all he said was:  
  
"BITCH! Why the fuck you so rude!?" and walked off.  
  
He beat up a student, took his clothes, and painted his hair red, to  
blend in with the other students. He did, even though he was American  
and fat, and all the other kids were from Japan and skinny. He followed  
Setsuna around all day. He went to chemistry class, biology class,  
demonology class, (WAIT A SECOND!) and even the ever-so-boring MATH class.  
  
The day's end came soon, and Michael followed Setsuna down the street.  
Michael obviously resembled one of the students, because two other fucks  
cam up and greeted him.  
  
He followed Setsuna, and one of the punks asked:  
  
"Why the hell are we following this loser again? You wanna beat  
him up and take his lunch money, or sumtin?"  
  
"Yes." Replied Michael.  
  
"Cool." Said the punk.  
  
They went over to Setsuna, and kicked him in the rear-end. Setsuna   
turned around, and started going bonkers, and shit, yo! He started  
to swing a punch at Michael, but then Sara yelled out "BROTHER!", or  
"Onee-Sama!!!" from the bridge, and he stopped. Then, Michael  
and the two punks beat the shit out of him!  
  
"Stop!" Kira said, leaning on a nearby wall, reading a book.  
  
"Why should we, yo? We're kicking ass! MAJOR ASS, YO!" Michael yelled.  
  
Kira snapped his book shut, walked over to Michael, and kneed him in  
the groind.  
  
fin  
  
Author's Notes: Now, you know who got kneed in the groind! _ 


End file.
